Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Purposeful Slow Down


There's this common belief that if you are not being productive 100% of the time, constantly learning new things, or perfecting everything in your life, then you're regressing.  But human beings aren't made to be productive 100% of the time.  We need down time, to evaluate how we're doing, reassess how we feel and what we want to focus on, and consider our next move.  You need slow time in your life.  

Slowing down doesn't mean you stay in bed and eat Doritos, and binge watching Netflix for a week, but it does mean actually slowing down.  I used winter break for that.  I started working on my bachelors degree last January while I was still finishing up my associates, graduated nursing school with my associates degree in May, took my NCLEX to become an RN in June, and have been working at the hospital as a nurse since then.  Then, in August I picked back up working on my bachelors, through an online program.  And everything just seemed to be running faster and faster.  I was trying to learn all the things I needed to know at work, I was taking care of more and more patients, who were sicker and sicker.  Covid started back up full force.  School was three classes, but one was biochem- which was not my friend and I thought I was probably going to fail until we got to the biology part.  My cat got sick and died.  And then it was time to get ready for Christmas.  I felt like I had more and more plates spinning in the air, and every time something slid off one of the plates, even if it was a little something- I forgot a quiz, I didn't remember something at work, I gained weight, whatever,  I felt like a loser.  And I was anxious that all the plates were going to come crashing down.  I lost a lot of sleep, I quit exercising- because who has time for that when your mind is going a mile a minute and everyday feels packed.  And I just felt overwhelmed.

Finally, when winter break rolled around, I decided that something needed to change.  So I started getting outside to walk- even when the temps were in the single degrees, I decided to only take two classes next semester, and I decided to actually sit down and decide what I wanted.  The main thing I wanted was less- less stuff in my life.  Whether it be clothes, books, sewing supplies, stress, or anxiety, I wanted to get rid of a lot of it.  I also wanted to be more purposeful about my days.  More purposeful about how I spent money and what I brought into my house.  I wanted to be a better friend.  I wanted to celebrate just the every day.  And I wanted to just be more in control of my time.  

So, that's kind of been my focus so far this year.  I have things I want to do as well, and plans made for things, but it's been so nice to just grind everything to stop and just stop and catch my breath and really think for a bit.