Brain Bric A Brac

So you may have thought I fell of the face of the planet again.  Actually, I didn't, but I was very busy with the underbelly of real life that blogging friends don't really want/need to know about.  But, I'll fill you in anyway to explain my absence.

1. I got sick.  There's been all sorts of crud going around at work, so I'm considering myself fortunate that I only caught one bug.  It did force me to miss out on a girls' weekend with my Mastermind girls.  But, since I was puking, it was probably better they just went without me.

2. My parents got sick.  I think they had influenza, but I spent some time out there trying to keep their dog exercised and make sure they weren't dying.

3. My dad had a heart attack.  He's only 59.  He's in pretty good shape for a dude his age, and he and my mom eat pretty healthy, so it was definitely not expected.  They wanted to med flight him from here to a bigger hospital but the snow made that a no go, so he had to take a risky clot buster in the ER and then take an ambulance ride in a snowstorm, which thankfully worked with no side effects, and then spend a week or so in the hospital.  He had quadruple bypass but is home now and resting as much as he rests.

4. Work got crazy.  I've lost several nurses and CNAs in the last month, and a bunch of the high school CNAs are asking for reduced hours, which is making scheduling a nightmare.  We're due for the State's yearly inspection any day now, and I feel like there's not enough hours in the day.  Which has of course kicked my anxiety and stress back up.  I'm trying to eat better and take care of myself but sometimes my brain just won't shut down.

Constant resting work face.

5. So I did what any sane stressed person would do.  I signed up for the nursing assistant program.  It only takes a little over a month, and it'll be after work.  I'm sure my body will think I'm nuts by week two, but it will come in handy with my job and if I decide to go on to anything further in healthcare- med tech or nursing, I need to have taken the nursing assistant class.  While I don't have to be a CNA to be a HUC (which is what I am now- Health Unit Clerk) there's times it would be nice if I could help with residents more.  April is as good as month as any, and I'm already trying to think of a fun reward for me after it's all done.  My dad and I had planned a trip to Michigan's Upper Peninsula to watch the Copper Dog 150 dog sled race, but his heart attack happened the week before so that put the cabosh on that plan.

6. Goals are going okay.  February is always a hard month, but I'm already getting some stuff knocked out this month.  I played in my fabric stash this weekend and started some fun, new projects, and enjoyed just sitting among all my fabric and mixing prints and designs.

5 Ways to Survive an Unfulfilling Job

Okay, so like more than half of Americans are unhappy with their jobs.  Is this surprising?  Well, it probably depends on which side you're on.  If you love your job, and find the work you do fulfilling or magical or life giving or some other big adjective, then the rest of this post is probably not going to make much sense to you.  But, if you wake up each Monday with a case of the blues, or you just wish you knew what you wanted to be when you grew up, this post is for you.

As someone who still isn't sure what I want to do with my life (and now in my 30s), here are some strategies for surviving.

1. Figure out what you enjoy doing.  Not what you can make a lot of money at or think you're expected to want to do.  What do you enjoy?  If you aren't really sure anymore, think about when you were a kid, what did you like to do?  For me, I've always had three main loves, that I can trace back from childhood to the present: baking, reading, and writing.
2. Figure out ways you can use these skills, even if it's not in work.  I find that having another area of your life where you're growing can make life more satisfying.  So, if you love animals, volunteer at your animal shelter, or if their social media could use some help, offer.  If you love to write, think about blogging, or if you don't want to have that kind of commitment or are nervous about it, get in touch with bloggers and see if you could contribute for them.  I don't know of any small bloggers that have a budget for guest posters, but if you have something to write about and want to share you wisdom, they may let you use their platform to get your feet wet.
3.  Don't neglect your friends.  It's easy to get into a rut where we work, work, work, and then spend the weekends sleeping or catching up on laundry or marathoning Netflix but spending times with friends is so good for you mental health.  Don't talk about work and focus on being in the moment. 
4. Learn something new.  Sometimes we get in a work rut and it can just make us feel like we're a zombie only good for faxing, collating and stapling.  But, learning a new skill can reignite you passion for life.  Learn to cook something new (affiliate link), take a class at the extension office, download an app to learn a foreign language, or decide to learn to snowshoe this winter.  Having a hobby or project is essential to keeping life fresh and livable.
5. Stay positive and start working on an exit strategy.  This doesn't mean surf the "Help Wanteds" and switch one dissatisfying job for another.  This means really start thinking about what you want to do with this one life you've been given.  Figure out if it means you're going to need more training and how you're going to get it.  Maybe you want to start your own business on the side, start figuring out what you need to do to make it successful.  What do friends and family tell you you're good at?  Is there a way for you to monetize that?  With the internet, it's easier now than ever to start your own business.

So what about you?  Are you doing what you love?   What would you be doing if you knew you could make a living at it?  Leave me a comment below

I Will Flourish... In My Work

Today I'm linking up with Brittany from  The Kardia and sharing how I will flourish.  This month's theme is flourishing in our work.  But before I get to that, I'm supposed to share ten things I'm thankful for, because as Brittany says, "Gratitude changes everything."

Grateful for this Month:

1.  My husband who supports and encourages me.
2. Strong friends who encourage me to stretch myself.
3. Beautiful Wisconsin summer weather.
4. Downsizing.  Having less stuff actually feels pretty good.
5. Time to read books.  I love reading!  And have been able to do a lot of it as of late.
6. My two cats.  Pets really do bring so much joy.
7. Bees.  This year I'm really noticing all the honey bees buzzing around and everytime I see them, it makes me smile.  They're buzzing from my apple trees, to cucumber plant, to coneflowers.
8. Fresh veggies.  I love all the produce available this time of year!
9. Coffee!  There's something so nice about waking up and savoring a cup of coffee in the morning.
10. Which brings me to my favorite thing about my job!  I work second shift, so I can spend my mornings welcoming the morning with my coffee, and not running to get ready to be to work bright and early.  I don't mind coming home from work and going right to bed.

And how to flourish at my job?  I don't think it's a secret that I don't love my job.  I kind of wrote about it here.  But a girl still has to work, so what to do?  Here are some my best tips for making work feel less like drudgery.

• Buy your own supplies.  This depends on your job.  But I work as a health unit clerk and the hospital I work at uses the worst pens ever.   They're kind of waxy and they don't write nice and they're constantly running out of ink.  You'd be surprised how much frustration was relieved just by buying my own pens.  I wear scrubs so I just stick one in my pocket when I get dressed for work.  My favorites are these Pilot Acroballs (which you can get way cheaper at Target or Walmart).
• Treat your self.  If you're having a rough day, buy yourself a coffee or a decent lunch.  Sometimes a little treat is enough to perk you up.
• Keep your skills up and don't be afraid to learn new things.  Even if you don't need continuing ed for you job, encourage yourself to learn new things on your own. It doesn't even have to be something intrinsically tied to your line of work.  Learning new things keeps you excited and engaged.
• And my number one tip for flourishing at work:  Focus on brightening others days.  Help others without waiting for them to ask.  Give sincere compliments.  Bring treats.  Try to be positive.  And for any of you who are like me who hates feeling fake,  positive doesn't mean fake happy.  Positive just means not negative.  :)

So, want to see how everyone else is flourishing?  Check out the link up below.  And be sure to share your tips for flourishing at work in the comments below.

Please Don't Ask Me What I Do

It's one of the first questions we ask someone new, when we meet.  "What do you do for a living?"  Uck.  This question has always made me feel kind of like I need to issue a disclaimer.  Like "I'm a health unit clerk, but that's just until I figure out what I want to really do with my life."  It feels kind of unfair that so much of my identity is wrapped up in what I do for a living, when  I feel like my job has so little in common with who I am.  I write, I like to cook things from scratch, I love nature and walking outside, and watching birds, I blog, I love prowling used bookstores.  None of these things are related to my job.

Is there anything wrong with not loving your career?  I don't think so.  I think it's possible to have a job which is just that, a job.  (As long as you give a 100% while you're there and try to have a good attitude.)  Trust me, if I could afford to just stay home and blog, and craft, and cook all day, I'd definitely be doing that, instead of working as a HUC.  

So what's a girl to do?  I think you need to feel free to add that disclaimer, like, "I'm a health unit clerk, but if I had my way, I'd just read and blog and explore nature all the time."  I'm guessing people would be more inclined to ask me what kind of books I like than what a health unit clerk does.  And when you meet new people, be conscious that most people have some deep inner stirring that is probably totally unrelated to where their paycheck comes.  Ask deeper questions, like "What would you be doing if money was no object?" or "What are you passionate about." or "So if you could get a redo, would you still have chosen the same career field?"  Some people love they're job and they'd stick with it, but I bet you'd be surprised how many people would have chosen a different way.

And most of all, keep working towards your dreams.  Just because you're not passionate about your current job, doesn't mean you'll never find one you are passionate about.

So what are you passionate about?

5 Things January 4- The First of 2015

We're into the new year.  I love how fresh and possible everything seems at the start of the new year!  I have thoughts like "By the end of 2015, I could be a size 6!" and "I have 365 days to read all these books!" and "It's going to be my most organized most awesome year of blogging ever!"  Ah!  Here's to fresh beginnings!

1.  First "Masterminds" meeting of 2015 went great.  We met yesterday, had fajitas and then drank coffee while we talked about our January goals.  It was fun to see what everyone was hoping to accomplish.  We brainstormed for a while too on some ways to get through roadblocks keeping us from our goals.  It felt fresh and productive and I can't wait for the February meeting.

2.  Yesterday I made my twenty-forth loan on Kiva.  I've had ten that have been fully paid back, and with the repayments I funded more loans.  I only have two that are delinquent.  One is a loan to Sierra Leone, and Kiva sent updates stating some of the borrowers there succumbed to Ebola and the economy has been hit hard, so some loans will not be repaid while others will need to be restructured.  I have not heard if my borrower is okay or not yet.  The other delinquent loan is in Benin, Africa, which has also been affected by Ebola.  But, not getting repaid is risk you take when you use Kiva, and it's happened very rarely to me.  If someone has lost family members to Ebola or their business has folded because people are scared to leave their homes, I'm not really going to sweat my $25.  All my other loans have been repaid or are being repaid without incident.  I really recommend Kiva and if you're interested in trying it out, but have questions, leave me a comment.

3.  Did any of you Doctor Who fans know that David Tennant and Catherine Tate starred in a production of "Much Ado About Nothing" in 2011?  I stumbled across the trailer on Twitter and I really want to see it now.  You can download it online.  Here's the preview.  What do you think?



4.  My dad built me a bird feeder for Christmas.  I have one outside my sewing room window, but the one my dad built is mounted right to my deck.  It' super easy to fill, because I don't have to stomp through snow drifts, it's right outside my kitchen window, and the birds love it.  Consequently, HB loves the feeder, because it gives him an excuse to sit on my kitchen counter and watch the birds.

HB loves the new bird feeder. #birdwatching #gingercat #guardcat

A photo posted by Kayl (@lavender_kay) on Dec 12, 2014 at 7:28am PST

5.  Good news!  My next working schedule is straight PM shifts!  Yay!  No day shifts for this girl.  It took some finagling but my coworker that loves day shifts and I were able to mash or schedules into her being on straight days and myself being straight PMs!  I'm so happy!  You have no idea!

So, here's to a happy start to 2015 wished for all of you and we'll talk more soon!

A Forced Slow Down and A Belated Musical Monday

So I've told you guys how work has been crazy, and there's been tons to do to get ready for Christmas, and if you could see my house right now, it looks like a bomb has strewn objects all over it in a random pattern with no logical order.  My sewing room is a disaster, there's weeks worth of tooth paste spit in my bathroom sink, dead plants in the window sill, and cat toys everywhere.

Do you ever feel like that?  That life is just spinning out of control and all you can do it hold on?  That's how it feels here.  I keep making lists and trying to get everything done, but it's just not happening.

Lake Superior- October 2014

I like this picture of lake, because it kind of looks like how I feel right now, waves of more stuff crashing in- stuff to do, places to go, work, everything piling on top of each other.

Then, early yesterday morning, I woke up with a stomach ache.  I chalked it up to eating ice cream right before I went to bed, but no such luck.  I'll spare you the details, but I was sick.  I called in to work about 9 am, and at the hospital, anytime you have diarrhea, vomiting, or similar gastroenteritis symptoms, you have to be off for three days.  I spent most of the day in bed or the bathroom.  I slept a lot, and then I finally felt like eating real food around 6 pm. 

I feel much better today.  I think sometimes your body just quits on you.  You're stressed, you're eating junky food, you don't take care of yourself, so your body just decides to hit reset for you.  This morning, I feel like I can get the house clean, finish wrapping presents, maybe even do some baking and get some blog posts wrote.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes, getting sick is really a blessing in disguise.  I feel more "with it" today than I have in weeks, and that feels great.  I'm craving a nice big salad, and I have two forced days off at home to get stuff back in order. 

And... I also have a belated selection for Musical Monday this week.  This song pretty much encapsulates how I'm feeling.

So, better late then ever to show up at Musical Monday, right?  Want to see what everyone else was listening to this week?  Head over to My So Called Chaos where the link up lives to see what everyone else is listening to.

Musical Mondays- My Silver Lining by First Aid Kit

Do any of you have this problem:  Life starts getting hard and you convince yourself that it's not going to get any better so you want to extricate yourself from whatever circumstance is giving you a hard time.  If you're like me, you have mad skills at developing such a negative attitude that you feel like moving on is the only way to make things better.  Sometimes moving on is the only solution for a problem, sure, but sometimes I just move on when I don't want to deal with a situation.

The most common situation for me to feel this way about is my job.  I know I don't want to stay where I am forever, but I can do the job well, it pays good for the area I live in, and I like the majority of my coworkers.  Right now we have this crazy situation at work.  I don't want your eyes to all glaze over as I go into the difference between on call physicians and a hospitalist program.  So basically, all you need to know is that our work load has increased exponentially while not having any more staff to help out.  It feels like there was no groundwork laid for the new plan- like management just said, "Okay we're going to use hospitalists starting Monday" but didn't worry about getting the hospitalists clearance for software, making sure they could print from their office, or really updating staff on what would be going on and the new processes, or worry about making the transition smooth.

So, last week I had an emotionally breakdown at work, and I know of at least four other staff members that have since than too.  It's become so common place that we're joking that we are going to have a sign up sheet now so that it's only one of us a day.  Anyway, my whole point is that I want to quit.  I always want to do something else, but now that things have gotten tougher, I really want to quit.  I'm trying to step back so that I can see that it's just because things are so hellacious right now and things will get better.  I tell myself it's a good job, and I love my coworkers.  So every time I here this song from First Aid Kit, it's like a verbal reminder.

Gotta keep on going, looking straight out on the road
Can't worry 'bout what's behind you or what's coming for you further up the road
I try not to hold on to what is gone, I try to do right what is wrong
I try to keep on keeping on
Yeah I just keep on keeping on

A little hokey to apply such a sweet, little song to work?  Probably, but hey, whatever works.   Hope you all are having a good week at whatever you're working on and if you run into an obstacle- remember to keep trudging along.  Sometimes that really is the best way.

 As always, head over to My So Called Chaos to see what everyone else is checking out this week!

Getting Some Work Done

I know I've been pretty much MIA this week, but I've had other things on my mind.  I've been having flank pain for over a year.  At first I thought I had just strained my back, but it just wasn't getting better, in fact it was getting worse.  I finally talked to my NP about it when I went in for my yearly physical.  She ordered some labs and a CT and they found out I have a big, kidney stone lodged in my right kidney.  So, after a consult with a specialist, it's been decided to try to blow that baby up.  And today is the day.  I'm going to have lithotripsy, which is a pretty non-invasive procedure.  No incision even.  And if it all passes fine, I can go back to work this weekend, but I do have to be put under to have it done.

So, it's kind of nerve racking, but I really hope it works.  (It has an about 75% success rate.)   I'm having it done at the hospital I work at, so it's going to be weird to be on the others side of things and have the girls I work with be my nurses but I'm really, really looking forward to no more flank pain.

So, if you're the praying type, say a little prayer for me.  And I'll see you all when I wake up...

A Few Favorites April 27- Etsy Earring Edition

I work at a hospital so they kind of discourage us from wearing a lot of jewelery.  It's not forbidden, but you're wearing scrubs, you're going in and out of isolation rooms which means you're constantly gowning and gloving up, and washing your hands a lot.  So, basically I wear my wedding and engagement ring (it's a nice channel cut setting so it doesn't tear up plastic gloves) and earrings.  Always earrings. 

When I started as unit clerk, I just bought a box of scrub tops off Ebay.  Scrub tops cost a lot when you buy them new and they resell for pretty cheap used.  It worked out pretty well, except most of them are prints I'd never have bought on my own.  Lots of pinks, lots of hearts, lots of butterflies.  But, they serve the purpose and I've bought a few here and there that are more me.  So, one way I can kind of put my own style on my work clothes is with earrings.  I've bought a lot of earrings on Etsy through the years and always like unique ones. 

So, today I thought I'd share some of the cool ones I've come across on Etsy lately.

 

1.  These Teal and Red Retro Earrings from Renaisy Daisy Designs are made out of fabric and are just so bright and cheery. Plus, they look like they'd be super lightweight.  $10

2.  These White and Blue Floral Earrings from eteniren are made in Ukraine.  She makes all her flowers from hand so no two will  be exactly alike.  She has other designs in her shop also, like pansies and roses and tons of other products.  $15

3.  These Bohemian Purple Earrings from Copper Tree have an awesome purple patina to them.  I would wear these all the time. $25

4.  I always like some funky, animal earrings.  These hedgehog earrings are from Novelty Jewels and are super cute.  She has other animals too, like lobsters, whales, turtles.  One nice thing about scrubs is that you can totally pull off novelty earrings with them.  $12.

Life is Hard

Earlier this month, I wrote about feeling tired and burned out.  And I know I can't be the only one who gets in ruts where it feels like life is making you haul a fifty pound weight around your neck while you're supposed to look composed and happy.

I've had the last four days off and it's given me some time to reflect.  I haven't done any crafting and only a little baking.  But, I've had four good days.  Saturday I went shopping with my mom.  My husband made me brunch Sunday and we spent the day together at home watching football (a favorite pastime of ours).  Yesterday, I had lunch and went shopping with one of my best friends and her little girl, and then today I met my husband for lunch.  It's been great and refreshing.  But tomorrow it's time to rejoin the real world.

And the real world is what is causing the most problems right now.  I found this quote on Jessica Swift's Facebook page and it seems appropriate.

I'd say I like myself most of the time, but I'm not sure if I like what I do anymore.  I'm a unit clerk at  hospital, which basically means you help out the nurses and aides with the paperwork and phone calls, and you just do what you can to make sure everything runs smooth.  I really like what I do.  There's a lot of teamwork that goes into it, and I feel like I'm helping people.  Plus, I get to spend a little time with patients and I like that.  I work the afternoon shift, and I really like having my mornings free.  Trust me, it's nice to not have to set an alarm clock and leisurely drink coffee while I check my email every morning.

But, no job is ever all pros.  There's some cons too.

• I spend a lot of time alone.  Which is nice some days, but some days it can feel very lonely and isolating.  And I spend a lot of time talking to my two cats.  Which doesn't sound super healthy.

•  I see my husband very little.  When I started this job, he worked as a sheriff deputy and his schedule was four days of working and four days off.  His hours were 11am to 11pm.  So, we got home around the same time.  We both worked some weekends and holidays.  It was okay.  Earlier this year, he made a job change and now he has weekends and holidays off and he works a traditional 8am to 4:30 schedule.  While I've never felt like we needed to spend every waking moment together, it's kind of depressing to realize that we have maybe 15 hours a week  where we are both home and awake. I literally could live in a city two or three hours away and only come home on weekends and we'd see each other more.  It's so easy to get into a relationship rut where the majority of our communication is to remind the other to get milk or haul the trash and recyclables out.  That's definitely not how I pictured married life. Nor how I want to spend my life.
• I work at a small hospital, but we're the only hospital for about an hour in any direction, so we still have traumas and codes.  Usually we try to get them stabilized and send them on to one of the bigger hospitals.  I'm a clerk, so I my job in code situations is to record on the forms everything we're doing- what time the patient arrived, vitals, IVs started, drugs administered.  And after a while, you just start feeling calloused.  Everyone does their best to save the patient.  They know their jobs, their prepared, and ready.  But when a patient doesn't make it, you don't cry.  You clean up and go back to work and finish whatever you were doing before the code started.  You let the doctor and clergy deal with the family and you go about the rest of your day.  This is one of the things that bother me the most.  When those sad, Sarah McLachlin sound tracked ASPCA commercials come on, I get teary eyed, but when I watch someone's grandpa pass away after a heart attack, I don't feel anything.  I mean, there's a flicker of sadness, but you just wall yourself off.  Shouldn't I be more upset to see another human being's suffering than an animal in a tv commercial?

So, these are my three biggest hurdles right now.  I don't know how to overcome them, but I feel like something needs to be done.  For now, I'm going to try to be more in the moment.  Make a point to have productive mornings when I'm home alone.  Consciously spend more time with my husband when we are both home, instead of him in his office and me putzing on my computer.  And, be more in the moment.  I don't want to break down in a blubbering mess every time I'm in a code, but after it's done, take a moment to remember that this is someones family or friend.  And try to be more empathetic towards the patients and families I come into contact with.  I just need to keep reminding myself,

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
                                      -John Watson

This small town doesn't have a lot to offer in the way of jobs, so for now, I'll tough it out and see where life takes me.  I'll keep myself open to changes and opportunities and who knows where that will take me. 

So any advice?  What do you do when you feel like life is making your heart hard?